How do you judge a person to be goth or not?

[Einsamer Krieger]

Well, perhaps I am quite late with answer, but I just cannot miss the thread. Especially when I faced those kind of situations myself.
Heh... Even when I am (now) experienced long-time vassal of Queen Gothic, sometimes there are some dumkopfen who dare to say that I am not Gothic enough or even not grown-up. It is easy to throw such fake conclusions sitting behind computer when brains are left somewhere else. I wonder what those "experts" would look like, being through only a part of my undeath experience.

[The Ming]

This is a great thread, I liked the definition of Goth vs Gothic, I have very slight Romantic Gothic tendencies, ie I love Gothic literature, old houses and moorish mists as well as the terrifying vast malevolence of my native country's natural environment. Too often people think they can set the rules for what is Goth (or anything else)-don't let 'em, if you identify as Goth or Gothic go for it and own the term.

Just a rather late word of warning to the OP'er, you mention Goth dating sites...well I could be wrong but my wonderings on the net have seen a few Goth things that seem particularly oversexualised and fetish-like, so I'm not surprised that there are probably sites for people to hook up that are quite specific in embracing a particular element of Gothic sexual fetishes...just saying, maybe you're not showing that you're into their particular fetish.

Don't let that spoil your exploration of Goth/ic and defining your own "Gothness" for yourself.

All the best.